FOURS - MEDITATION

THE FOURS IN THE DECK OF CARE ENCOURAGE YOU TO DEVELOP A FORMAL MINDFULNESS PRACTICE - BUILDING A SKILL OF PRESENT-MOMENT AWARENESS AND CREATING MENTAL SPACE TO EXPLORE THE WORLD WITH CURIOSITY.

You’ve probably noticed that a key component of self-care throughout all the cards is mindful attention/mindfulness - which is intentional, non-judgmental, present-moment awareness. Meditation is a formal mindfulness practice in which we focus our attention on something for a longer period. It’s proven to reduce stress, regulate anxiety, increase attention span, improve cognitive performance, and enhance self-awareness. On its own, it’s a mighty self-care practice. In the larger scheme of self-care, though, it’s most notable as an amplifier. It builds your mindfulness muscle so that you can approach all self-care activities with nonjudgmental present-moment awareness - increasing the effectiveness of your entire toolkit.

We know that meditation can seem unapproachable because it has a reputation as unachievable - a reputation that to succeed you must be able to clear your mind fully. This is not the case, and even experienced meditators still have wandering minds. The purpose of meditation is to sit in present moment awareness resting our attention on something, noticing when our mind wanders without judgment, and then returning to the focal point for our attention. We aren’t actively trying to clear the mind; instead, we allow the mind to work naturally and note what arises while not getting lost in it - training ourselves over time to bring our attention back to an object of focus.

With consistent practice, formal meditation will help you to not get drawn into the constant wanderings of the mind and may even quiet it - but that is not the goal. Approaching meditation with the intention to achieve a clear mind can be counterproductive. If we try to suppress the busyness of the mind, it will only become busier. Our goal is to instead rest in attention.
The Fours will introduce you to four basic types of meditation - with the goal of providing you a foundation of basic skills to grow your own formal practice. If you’re new to meditation, we highly recommend starting with an 8 week MBSR (mindfulness-based stress reduction) program. The Happiness Academy offers an asynchronous version for free.

Four of Spades - Breath and Thought Awareness

The Four of Spades introduces you to breath awareness meditation - which uses the breath as an object of focus. You take a comfortable and composed position and bring your attention to your breathing. Notice how the air fills and leaves your body, and how your body moves as it passes through. Some people find it helpful to count their breaths, and others like to hold their hands over their chest or belly to feel the rising or falling. Try to be with your breath naturally.

As you sit with your breath, your mind will wander. Without judgment, try to label what happened, and then softly return your focus to your breath. When you begin, single word labels may be easiest for you (sound, feeling, thought, pain). As you progress, you may become more specific (pleasant feeling, work thought, knee tightness) or extremely specific (there is sadness, there is unhelpful rumination about work). Try to not personally identify with whatever passes (so avoid phrases like I feel or I’m thinking) and just note its presence (there are work thoughts, there is knee pain) - as if it’s just something you’re observing. This practice will gradually build self-awareness of your present-moment experiences, an understanding that these sensations come and go and don’t define you, and an ability to return your focus to an object of interest (here, your breath).
If you’re just dipping your feet in, you can use this breathing meditation for beginners from Jack Kornfield (which starts at 1:43). For a longer breath awareness meditation, you can use this guided meditation from Jon Kabat Zinn. If you want a compassionate spin on breath awareness, you can try this short affectionate breathing meditation with Jamie Lynn Tatera, or this medium length one from Kristen Neff.

Four of Diamonds - Body Awareness

The Four of Diamonds introduces you to the body scan meditation - which uses your body sensations as an object of focus. You lie flat and slowly scan through your entire body, noticing what you’re feeling and softening any muscle tension. A typical body scan starts at the crown of the head and slowly works its way down, or starts with one of your big toes and works its way up. As you go, you can offer compassion where you find pain or strong emotions. Over time, the practice will provide you with improved body awareness, which will help you become more responsive to your physical self and to somatically process your emotions.

If you have a history of trauma, you may find that you can’t feel parts of your body. This is body disassociation and it’s not uncommon. Over time, body scan meditations can help you to re-associate with your body. If it’s a particularly strong disassociation, you may want to do some trauma-informed bodywork, like a trauma-informed massage. Mindful movement exercises like yoga or tai chi can also help.

If you’re just getting started with body awareness, you can do this short, guided body scan with Tara Brach, or this 61-points meditation with Jamie Lynn Tartera. When you have more time, we highly recommend doing a longer body scan, like this one from the UC San Diego Center for Mindfulness. To bring more intentional compassion to the practice, you can do this compassionate body scan with Kirsten Neff.

If you ever need a simple, short, grounding exercise, you can always focus just on the soles of your feet - feeling how they press against the ground and keep your body stable.

Four of Hearts - Fostering Loving-Kindness

The Four of Hearts introduces you to loving-kindness meditation - which uses kind thoughts as the object of focus. It’s a practice designed to foster love, kindness, and compassion. The practice described in the Four of Spades is kind wishes for yourself. You take a comfortable and composed position, and first bring your attention to your breathing. Then, you slowly begin to mentally repeat kind wishes to yourself such as “May I be happy, May I be safe, May I be full of love.” Over time, you’ll want to experiment with personalized phrases, different tones, speaking to yourself as if you were another person (“May you”), or even just simplifying the wishes to single words (“happy,” “safe,” “love”). At first, you may just be resting these good wishes on a closed, unreceptive heart; over time, and as you find what resonates with you, the heart will slowly open to receive them.

You may experience what we call “backdraft” when practicing loving-kindness for yourself. This is a flood of feelings of unworthiness, negative self-talk, or cynicism when you try to give yourself kind wishes. This is common for people with a history of adversity, trauma or a deeply ingrained self-critic, and can make the meditation feel subjectively awful. If you hit backdraft, remind yourself that you are not alone (there are many other people who feel similarly when confronted with good wishes), and try to give yourself compassion (it is really hard to feel unworthy of good wishes). Working through backdraft takes patience, time, and lots of compassion.

Another form of loving-kindness meditation is to offer these kind wishes to another person (“May you”), or to yourself and another person (“May we”). For many people (especially those with backdraft), offering kind wishes to someone else is more accessible than offering them to themselves and starting with good wishes to another makes it easier to then transition to offering good wishes to themselves.

To get started with loving-kindness for ourselves meditation, you can do this short, guided meditation with Jamie Lynn Tatera, or this medium-length one with Chris Germer. If you’d prefer to send kind wishes to a loved one, try this medium, guided meditation with Kristin Neff. Jamie Lynn also offers a short and long version where you begin offering kind wishes to a loved one, and then transition to the two of you together, and then to yourself.
Last, if you’d prefer to try it without the phrases and instead focus on sending out and receiving compassionate energy, you can try breathing in and out compassion with Jamie Lynn. If you become fond of loving-kindness meditation, try reading any of Sharon Salzberg’s books.

Four of Clubs - Visualization Meditation

The Four of Clubs introduces you to visualization meditation - which uses a mental visualization as the object of focus. It’s a practice that can help us to more deeply feel and experience abstract concepts like spaciousness or impermanence. The practice described in the Four of Clubs is visualizing light. You take a comfortable and composed position, and first bring your attention to your breathing. Then, you slowly begin to visualize light filling your body. It can begin as sunlight streaming down from the top of your head through your body, or it can start as a small spark of light from somewhere inside you and growing outward. As you visualize the light filling your body, focus on the feelings of spaciousness, relaxation, and warmth created as the light moves through you. After your body fills, you can visualize the light expanding outward, connecting you with your community and the world more broadly. When you feel like the light can’t extend any further, release the visualization and only focus on the feeling of warmth or spaciousness that you’ve created.

As you work with visualization, try to not focus too hard on building a perfect image in your head. You will likely find your visualization seems incomplete or lacking and that’s OK. The images are vehicles for sensations and experiences, and it doesn’t take a very well-developed picture to achieve those associated moments of clarity. Try to focus on the feelings and sensations associated with the visualization, and allow your mind to build the visualization that it builds.

Like with all meditations, your mind will naturally wander. Just like in breath awareness meditation, note where your mind has wandered (sound, thinking, feeling, pain), and return your attention to the kind wishes.
If you want to try a guided meditation, try the guided meditation about halfway down this page on Headspace. If you would like to try other visualization techniques, you can try a mountain meditation or lake meditation with Dave Potter.

A Final Thought

It’s easy to get drawn into a prescriptive version of meditation - one in which we must sit down for a lengthy practice every day. Don’t be overly dogmatic in establishing a formal practice, and instead try to meditate in a self-responsive way. If you’re not in the headspace for a lengthy practice but could meditate for a few minutes, take a short meditation. If you need a day off, take it. Like any self-care activity, meditation can become counterproductive if we only do it out of a sense of rote duty or obligation.

Devin ScottApril 26, 2021