THE TENS IN THE DECK OF CARE ENCOURAGE YOU TO SHED THE TERM ‘GUILTY PLEASURE’ AND TO EMBRACE THAT EASY JOYS HAVE A PLACE IN YOUR LIFE.

Part of embracing balance in life is choosing to engage in restful, easy pleasurable activities when needed and in moderation - think tv, games, music, junk food, etc. These activities get a bad reputation as hedonistic or wasteful - resulting in feelings of shame or guilt when engaging (hence the term guilty pleasure). These kinds of activities have useful purposes in our life, though:

1. Our brain naturally rests in problem-solving mode. The default mode network activates when we’re not doing anything, and this part of the brain literally looks through your life to anticipate and address potential problems. Your brain needs rest from this kind of stressful rumination, and pleasure activities can help us to turn these thoughts off and relax. Our brains need rest - and pleasure activities can help them to rest.

2. Sometimes, we struggle to hit “flow” - that feeling of getting completely lost in something. Flow being inaccessible because of sticky feelings or ruminating thoughts can make it hard to focus or find motivation. Pleasure activities can help us achieve flow - losing ourselves in something easy and activating neural pathways associated with task success. A little laziness, chosen well, can help you move from a stuck, unproductive state into a new place by allowing you to achieve a flow mindset.

3. Pleasure helps us down-regulate. Sometimes, emotions get too big for us to be able to do much of anything. Humans can’t accomplish much when feeling overwhelmed, and it’s important to down-regulate before trying to address feelings or work. Pleasure activities can help to reduce stress, soften emotions, and spark feelings of joy. These kinds of activities can be the perfect intervention when emotions are big.

4. Pleasure activities, especially consuming art or media, can help us access emotions that are a bit buried, and can give us a sense of shared humanity. Consuming a pleasurable activity that matches your mood can help with emotional labeling, self-kindness, and generate a sense of shared humanity when you feel isolated.

5. Pleasure makes us feel cared for. These are literally activities that make us feel good, and we will naturally feel good when we allow ourselves to receive things we enjoy.

6. Pleasure activities can help us to bond with others, improving social interactions.

The Tens encourage you to bring pleasure into your life when it would be helpful to you, and to understand when to stop when it becomes unhelpful. All pleasure activities can become self-harming when used to excess and it’s important to recognize when you’ve crossed the line from self-care (indulgence) to self-harm (over-indulgence). You can ask yourself questions like “Is this honoring my body” or “Is this making me feel truly good?” to help understand where the line is at any given point.

Ten of Clubs - Games

The Ten of Clubs encourages you to play games like card games, logic games, video games, board games . . . anything that you enjoy. Games can be particularly useful for achieving a state of flow by giving us something to engage productively and successfully with. They can help us feel like we are achieving tasks consistently and may help kick off motivation for productivity elsewhere.

Ten of Spades - Media

The Ten of Spades encourages you to consume media (like TV or books) for pleasure. Media can help us to quickly relax our mind and rest. It can also help us feel accomplished if it’s providing new or novel information because we’re learning. Media can also help us tap into our emotions and create a sense of community where the media in some way taps into something going on in our lives.

Ten of Diamonds - Food

The Ten of Diamonds encourages you to allow yourself to consume food for pleasure. When eaten mindfully and slowly, food can give you an object of focus to relax and savor something good. Some foods can kick off positive-feeling chemicals in our body, or generate nostalgia from past experiences. The Ten of Diamonds doesn’t encourage quick, mindless eating of snacks when you’re emotional but instead allows you to truly lose yourself in food and enjoy it fully for the pleasure it gives you.

Ten of Hearts - Music

The Ten of Hearts encourages you to listen to music. Music is rich in cultural and emotional expression, and it’s easy to find ourselves absorbed in a song because of it. Music, especially when of a similar nature to your mind state, can help you tap into and process emotions more fully and create a sense of shared humanity in the process. Because of it, music can be particularly helpful for downregulating challenging emotions.

Final Thoughts

Pleasure activities naturally bring up feelings of shame and guilt because they’re stigmatized by our culture. Try to offer yourself kindness and use your skills from the Fives to process these emotions so that you can make space to more freely enjoy your pleasurable activities. If you’re feeling guilt, ask yourself if it’s helpful (as in, you’ve actually crossed into self-harm and your body is signaling this) or unhelpful (irrational criticism that comes from perfectionism, cynicism, or some internalized criticism). Respect your body when it’s offering you helpful guilt and stop the activity but just listen to your body when it’s offering unhelpful guilt and continue engaging. Shame - when you move guilt into self-identity and self-criticism (I’m a failure, I’m broken) - is never helpful. If you have feelings of shame, flood yourself with compassion and try to take time to process them.

Learning how and when to engage freely in pleasure activities takes practice and it takes time. You’ll make mistakes and over-indulge, and that’s totally fine. Stay curious about your body and how these activities are feeling for you. Over time, you’ll learn what truly feels good, and what is overindulgence.
Learning how and when to engage freely in pleasure activities takes practice and it takes time. You’ll make mistakes and over-indulge, and that’s totally fine. Stay curious about your body and how these activities are feeling for you. Over time, you’ll learn what truly feels good, and what is overindulgence.